I know that one day I will be free of all of the clutter but today (on my day off) I started to feel like it was all overwhelming again and I ended up just shifting boxes of books that the girls don’t want anymore from the spare room and into the garage. This cleared the middle of the spare room. My husband was working in there and we starting talking about the large bookshelf and where we were going to store books when my daughter eventually moves into this room.
My husband spent ten minutes going through his shelf of programming books and this cleared one half of one shelf of the book rack. I took the ones he didn’t want into the garage as well and then sat and looked at the garage and felt a bit fed up about clutter in general. I needed to be in a clear space to think, so I went back into the kitchen to make some clutter notes and scribbles.
Am I stuck behind a clutter truck?
We have lot of creative minds in this house with lots of conflicting but good ideas of how we can make the best use of each room. I find it hard to contribute with my ideas because I’m stuck behind a truck load of clutter and can’t clearly see the path that they’re on. I can’t help thinking that I’m squashing all of their creativity by not clearing my clutter quick enough for us all to be on the same page. I do listen to what they have to say but I find it hard to make any decisions right now. I can’t help thinking that they would prefer me to overtake the truck load of clutter and maybe attach it to the back of my car and swing it off the nearest cliff…
Anyway, back to reality,.. they try to help me sort through and clear stuff but I’m too slow for them as I want to do it my way (even if some of the stuff is theirs and they’ve decided that they don’t want it). That frustrates them. For me, it’s very simple, I actually need to process it all and feel it going out of my life for my own reasons. I like to consider different option for discarding e.g. throw, sell, recycle. Maybe it’s linked to a condition of some kind, or maybe it’s just something I have to do for me, but what I do know is that I don’t like it the way it is and I’m so determined to change (as anyone who has been following me for a while will know).
I am moving forward every day
I’m not just spinning in place and hiding behind static clutter, rather I am chipping away at it every day and moving forward. Sometimes it feels like it’s taking too long and other times I achieve so much in one day. It all depends on how I’m feeling and how intense my work has been that day. Lockdown has allowed me to work from home, but work hasn’t slowed down for me so I’m still as busy as ever with that.
Deep down I am a tidy and organised person; however, something has just happened to me over the years and I’ve stored things away instead of making decisions about them. It’s not all junk and clutter, I know that there are a lot of memories buried in there somewhere as well e.g. old photos, diaries etc. Maybe deep down there are things I’m hiding from and can’t face. Who knows?
I want to walk around the house proud of every room, with light shining in and everything tidy, organised and in its place. I also want somewhere quiet to put my feet up and relax so that I can regularly clear my mind.
I’ve lived a wonderful 51 years of life so far with a few relationships and many house moves. With four and a half months left of my decluttering challenge, it’s time to uncover everything in my life and set the things free that don’t belong here anymore. Just writing these words feels liberating. This should open up my life for improvements and new opportunities and maybe then I’ll be able to contribute to planning each room in the house and we’ll finally get things the way we want them to be.
My husband’s idea of decluttering is different to mine
Just like today with the books, on day 222 I found a way to work with my husband and let him help me dismantle an old cabinet in the garage and fix an old table that I now use in the conservatory. I recognise that our decluttering methods are different but by involving him in some of it without it negatively impacting the way I need to declutter, we can work together and spend time together at the same time.
Yes, he still does want to get a skip and throw it all away and occasionally gives me a deadline, but that deadline always passes and I still plod along at my own pace saying that ‘I’m working on it’. I don’t often think of him as a patient person, but writing the last sentence has made me realise that he actually must be, because he’s never thrown anything of mine away. Do you know that he doesn’t even know that I am writing a daily blog on decluttering and clearing space? He knows that I blog, but he doesn’t know what I blog about. Some may think that this is strange, but I need the time and space to myself at the end of each day to cement the day onto the page without any judgements as to whether it is or it isn’t a good use of my time.
Pushing the clutter truck
This year as part of my 2020 challenge, I am taking it upon myself to finally push the clutter to where it belongs. Most of it will probably end up in the recycling bin, a small portion of it will be sold, and as little as I can possibly manage will end up in the landfill via a skip or rubbish bags. I’d like to think that I’ve been as green as I can during this decluttering year so far.
Wish me luck!