In yesterday’s post, I expressed my sadness about the plans to cut down the two silver birch trees in our garden, to allow the space for my husband to come up with a new design that we are all happy with. I’m struggling to offer any inspiration at all as I quite liked the garden the way it was; however, I will try my best to help.

If I was to think about what I want from a garden, I would say… somewhere relaxing with pretty flowers and a tree that blossoms in the Spring. We’ve recently bought some roses so I’d like a place for those in the garden, and all my other plants and flowers that I’ve been tending too all Summer. I do like pottering around as well.

Anyway, back to current day… the tree surgeon (LSR Tree Surgery) and his helper made a start cutting down the trees early this morning and it actually wasn’t too noisy. I was still able to work in the conservatory. They were so friendly.

I made them a couple of cups of coffee whilst they were here and had a good chat with them. As you probably know, it’s actually nice to see and chat to other people when you’ve been home for so long.

As the trees came down piece by piece the garden felt brighter. They shredded all the branches with their machine, and chopped the trunks. I was so impressed with how they raked and swept everything away. Everything was left clean and clear. They did a criss-cross pattern on the remaining stumps which apparently will allow the water to get in so that they will rot quicker.

I decided to place a couple of my pots onto the stumps to make it look prettier until we can get someone in to remove them.

How am I feeling?

The garden felt extra quiet when they’d gone. Being a windy day, I would usually have heard the trees swaying and swooshing but it was silent. I asked my husband what the next step was for the garden so that I can help with organising that (I’m better at that bit than the actual design and decision making). He said that we’re going to need to move the swing seat. We also need to get someone with a stump grinder or digger and do something with the lawn.

I did feel a little bit sad as the garden felt so bare, not in a bad way… just in a different way. Nothing prepared me for how my eldest felt when she came home from school. She was very attached to the trees as the leaves create a pattern on her wall at night. As I listened to her explaining how the trees made her feel, I felt so guilty which made me feel sad again.

I’m positive that this is just the beginning and we will have a garden that we will all love and enjoy. The issue is that my husband and I have so many decisions to make about the house and garden and we’re stuck with most of them because we have different ideas.

In the meantime, I will move forward every day with my clearing project which in turn will enable me to see things a lot clearer in my mind.

This evening

Whilst cooking spaghetti bolognese with garlic bread this evening, it suddenly came to me that I never used to enjoy cooking before lockdown, and still don’t really; however, when I do cook, I’m in the kitchen more which means that I’m constantly keeping it tidy and clean. So, that’s a good thing.

As I looked around the kitchen and dining room after dinner, I noticed so many things out of place. They’ve been there for ages, but it was like I was seeing them for the first time. There’s still loads I can do; however, things are looking much tidier. I spent about 30 minutes putting things where they belong and felt better after that.

I’ve now finished the audio book Your Spacious Self by Stephanie Bennett Vodt and am replaying it from the beginning. I think that her messages are starting to sink in and are working for me. I’m allowing myself to accept everything that happens at the moment rather than judging and I’m responding rather than reacting. I am also trying to ‘be’ rather than ‘do’ as much as I can. These are all lessons from her book. I’m starting to feel like a different person.

Until tomorrow…

Sandra